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This has been a week of deep reflection for me. After last week's Friday email, I received several complimentary responses, but even more emails expressing anger and disappointment. I had intended to write an email that explained how we mourned those lost in last week's tragedy - specifically in a way in which they may feel most meaningful, with psalms, and at the same time express to our non-Orthodox families the value of prayer in our school. But for some, my email seemed cold, divisive and insulting. For that I am very sorry.

Each week I sit and think about the messages I want to send to the community. I try to write from a place that is honest, personal, and reflective. I try to write with a sense of Jewish purpose, educational vision, and with an eye towards community building. Sometimes I do pretty well. Sometimes I miss the mark. Sometimes I hit the mark for part of the community and miss the mark for another. 

HBHA is a special and unique place. We have everyone from atheist and interfaith families to Hasidic families in our school. Even the Israel Minister of Diaspora Affairs was shocked and delighted to learn about us - and she called us a model for world Jewry. After all, most communities have separate schools for the Orthodox and Non-Orthodox families. In those communities, our aspirations, successes and problems remain separate.

But HBHA doesn’t have that luxury. Here, we are all in this together. United we stand, divided we fall. Our school is where community happens. Synagogues are by definition separated by denomination. The J and Federation are critical resources and community builders, but their level of interaction is different from HBHA's. 

At HBHA, we face both the joy and pain of serving the whole community. There is so much joy in practicing, learning, and living Judaism together. But there is also fear and stress. We have limited resources - time, money, and personnel. And these resources need to meet the needs of very different communities with very different values and needs. As we look to strengthen our school, there is excitement and anticipation for some, and anxiety and dread for others. This is a natural by-product of all of being in the same school, but wanting different things.

We all feel deeply invested in our school and its future. We all want to maintain the wonderful aspects of our school. And we want to make sure everyone feels comfortable and included. But those visions of what Judaism is, and what excellence looks like is very different depending on who you ask. It feels at times like the safest bet is to maintain the status quo.

I had a conversation with someone this week who asked me, “How do you think about risk management?” My mind went immediately to this issue. There is risk in the status quo. Our enrollment is down while expenses are up. As Yeats wrote, “Things fall apart, the centre will not hold.” Or as Bob Dylan wrote, “Those not busy being born are busy dying.” 

And yet there is great wisdom in the status quo, and one ignores that at one’s own risk. After all, the status quo represents all the best solutions the system could create over the course of decades. With any change to a status quo, where one is likely to feel gain, another is likely to feel loss. I am reminded of Israel under Rabin. While half the country was ebullient, dreaming of peace with the Palestinians, the other half the country was feeling dread and loathing. It ended in tragedy.

I participated in a community professional development opportunity this week, and one sentence struck me as profound. It is that the only way to grow is through ‘rupture and repair.’ Without rupture and repair, only the status quo can delicately be held together. It's a scary concept, because what if there is rupture without repair? Isn’t quietly simmering, suffering, and avoiding the issues better than tackling it head on and risking everything?

I believe that we share enough in common, and we have the spiritual capacity to talk to each other, hear each other, understand each other, and even support each other. I’m not saying that it isn’t happening, but I think we as a community can do better.

I want to finish this long email by saying that I understand that at times my views will not fall in line with yours - either Orthodox, Reform, interfaith, Conservative, converting, or Hasidic. But I hope you will always trust my motivation: to strengthen our special school for every constituent. I will also trust that you too want what is best for the school and community. 

There is a concept in Judaism called “Machlochet L’shem Shamayim,” or “An argument for the sake of Heaven.” It is, in essence, a disagreement between people, understanding that both sides are trying to find the best and holiest solution, and that both sides of the argument should be remembered and preserved, for even in their disagreements there is holiness. 

I hope that as we continue our journey together as a community, all our disagreements will be for the sake of heaven, and we will find ways to honor, respect, and support each other at every step.

Shabbat Shalom,

Adam Tilove
HBHA Head of School